Appearances - BM is all about it | Step Talk

But failed to keep up the appearance of being the prefect mom, wife and family yesterday. We had a meeting with SS7's Therapist yesterday and the step-parents were 'encouraged' to attend by the Therapist. So I went and I planned to just sit there and answer any questions that were asked of me.

We went in and BM sat in the corner while FDH and I sat on the sofa together. Chubby Hubby (BM's husband) was running late. The Therapist started talking about her sessions with SS7 and made note of our 'journal', she stressed the need for structure in SS7 life and 'syncing' the households - all the while looking at BM. She already told us that we were very structured. The importance of getting enough sleep and nutrition. BM chimed in and said that he eats really well (yeah if it's pizza) while I talked about taking him to McD's and trying to talk him into a 6 piece instead of a 4 piece. We talked about dinner time, FDH told her we eat as a family at the dinner table every night, I added that the boys and I still eat at the table even if FDH has to work late. BM said "Oh yeah we do that too". (Ss7 says he eats in his room or in the living room)

She talked about limiting his TV and Video game time - not so much setting time limits but just watching it and knowing when it can be turned off. I told her that I don't turn the TVs on at all in the morning when the kids have school because other wise they don't get ready. (BM said nothing)

She talked about NOT coddling him all the time, he needs to learn to deal with things on his own. I told her about him getting a paper cut in the car and since I was driving I couldn't help him so she started talking to himself and telling himself that it was okay. FDH talked about getting SS7 to wash his own hair and put on his own lotion. (BM said nothing)

She talked about 'transition' period, when the boys got from house to house and how to make it better. She added that it will always be weird for the first 24 hours but allowing the kids to relax (no video games or TV) before and right after we make the switch.

We talked about him going to that bathroom all the time - his new 'stress release'. Therapist said we need to nip that in the butt, it not healthy. We have to explain to him that it's just his mind playing tricks on him. We talked about some of the other things that he might do to relieve stress and BM just said that he doesn't do that at her house - to which the Therapist responded. "If he does it at one house then he does it at both, you probably just don't notice it".

We talked about School and Therapist asked who his teacher was, BM answered and FDH was like really that's good to know. BM said they sent him something but I get the mail and trust me they didn't send anything. Of course this was after Therapist said that we seem to get along better than most - apparently we just suck at communicating.

At some point in there Chubby Hubby joined us. He looked SO happy to be there. He went in and sat in the seat furthest from BM (which was the Therapist made him move - that was her seat). The Therapist asked him what his concerns were and he told her to come back to him, which she did twice and he still had nothing.

She warned us that we needed to watch what we say around SS7 - she tested him and even though he looks to not be paying attention he takes a lot in. FDH agreed that this was could apply to us, we tend to say things about BM when we think SS7 isn't hearing us. He also picks up on what it going on around him more than most kids. FDH told the story SS7 told him about BM not having any money (burn) and how he came to that conclusion on his own.

I am not sure what we were talking about at the time but FDH also felt the need to tell BM and the Therapist that the night before SS7 told him that he just wanted to stay home all week, when said that he could and I would stay with him SS7 went off on this rant about how he just wanted BM to stay home with him one day but won't, she is always gone. FDH explained the BM has to work and he was actually nice about it which made the Therapist smile and comment that FDH and BM seem to be better at that than most divorced parents. I am sure (or I hope) it made BM feel like crap since she can't even stay home with him on weekends.

During the meeting I was loving to FDH, I put my hand on his back or held his hand while BM and Chubby didn't even want to sit by each other. Half way through the Therapist started calling Chubby by the wrong name and no one corrected her (not my job). As we walked out i walked by FDH and stood by him in the elevator. BM and Chubby stood on opposite walls. When we got outside FDH said he was hungry and I offered to fix him something when we got home. BM told Chubby that she was going back to work (this is at like 5:30) When he asked how long she was going to be she said a few HOURS! As we pulled away they were standing on both sides of her van talking across the hood - with what looked like a rather heated discussion by the body language - there was no contact not even a kiss good-bye (they had a van between them) and rode there in separate cars. We went out to eat with a friend later and I tried to talk FDH into driving past her work to see if BM was actually working but he wouldn't do it. I was just nosy. We have been thinking that they are having issues for sometime and I was shocked that he even came.

So A long story short BM basically lied about how perfect her house was for SS7 (and we think the Therapist knew that she was lying since she directed most of the comments about making changes to her) and FDH and I did most of the talking. I told him that I can't speak for the Therapist but she has to be wondering about it. I mean I know what I saw and it wasn't the picture perfect blended family that BM likes to portray. It was very one sided.

Source: http://www.steptalk.org/node/77872

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